If anyone who knew me in reality, or even those who I chat with regularly online, were to stumble across this and read it, they would no doubt say that the person writing these blogs is not me. That I do not act like this.*
Well, I will admit to the fact that I am pushing a personality that usually stays hidden inside me to the fore as I write this. I am being a whiny bitch. Or a grumpy bastard, depending on how you look at it.
They say you’re as young as you feel. I say that’s true - happy people are youthful. People living on a diet of suckage tend to be old before their time.
That being said, this blog is not about the job that I find unsatisfying or the family life that is a pain to me, or the health issues that plague me, or the so-called friends that when it gets right down to it care less than a pixie’s fart about me…
What I mean is, you won’t be hearing long-drawn out explanations of why I am upset. At least, not until I’m more comfortable with this medium.
Suffice it to say, I have a reality, and I have an online life. This online life is varied and complex, and involves roleplay and relationships with many different people. My online life is darker, more sensual, and would be frowned upon if anyone from my reality knew about it.
And yet I cannot shield the one from the other. When I am hurt online, it is a struggle to not show that pain when moving through my reality. And when reality has made me suffer, it affects how I play my games online.
I walk through my reality now with pain, trying to hide the hollowness I feel inside. Loss, palpable and bitter, lurks beneath my heart and presses it outward, so that it is bruised against my ribcage.
There. I made it poetic and pretty. Go away.
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